What a grand surprise, an American TikTok star, Kalani Ghost Hunter, gives us a rating of 8/10 for a kebab in Newcastle, a place where even the drunkest of drunks are considered lightweights! ‘Pretty f**king good,’ he says, as if he’s never tasted a kebab before. Oh, the irony of being ‘not the best’ he’s ever had yet still rating it above average. One can’t help but wonder if he’s just setting the bar low or if it’s actually the kebab’s fault for not living up to the high standards of a late-night, drunk, and, dare I say, slightly bewildered American tourist? The local Geordies must be thrilled, no doubt, that they’ve now gained a new benchmark for ‘pretty decent’ kebabs, right up there with ‘3am in the Bigg Market and sober.’ The ‘You don’t look drunk enough to be eating a kebab’ comment is a classic, a timeless testament to the eternal struggle of trying to blend in with the locals in a city where, according to Kalani, the only sober person might be in a police uniform.