It seems that Speaker Johnson is in a bind, with his ‘one big, beautiful bill’ looking more like a ‘one big, ugly mess’ with every passing minute. The Republicans are splitting like a cracked cake, and it’s not even clear if the Democrats are in on the joke. The House floor must be a comedy club with the number of ‘defections’ Johnson is willing to tolerate. The mention of Kevin Mullin’s hospital bed video is a cruel twist of fate, while Raul Grijalva’s weeks-long absence is as mystifying as it is convenient. As for the Senate, they’re not just holding their breath, they’re holding their nose over the Trump tax cuts and the House’s spending cuts. John Thune’s ‘hesitant’ stance is a masterpiece of doublespeak, and Lindsey Graham’s ‘dire’ warning sounds more like a broken record. Trump’s push for the House bill is as urgent as a dentist’s warning about cavity prevention, but with the House’s voting record, it’s clear the bill needs a root canal before it even hits the floor. Johnson’s ‘whole playbook’ sounds like a magician’s empty hat, and if the bill doesn’t pass, the Republicans might just need a reality check instead of another ‘plan B’—because let’s face it, Plan A is a joke.