Oh, look who’s back to regale us with his ‘fantastic’ accomplishments. Trump’s sure to tout his prowess in ‘border security,’ while quietly ignoring the ‘secure’ borders of federal agencies he’s ‘dismantled.’ The ‘great things’ list must include the mysterious ‘waste he’s finding with DOGE’—because what’s a better measure of success than cryptocurrency? And of course, the ‘aggressive stance’ on Ukraine is just a front for pausing aid to a war-torn nation. As for ‘the renewal of the American Dream,’ let’s hope it doesn’t involve more lost healthcare and job cuts. It’s ‘must-see TV’ alright, a real showcase of American greatness—just ask Elon Musk who’s brave enough to sit through this spectacle.