What a masterclass in ‘alternative facts’, one might say! Trump’s speech is a sparkling tour de force of creative accounting and the delightful art of ignoring the reality that doesn’t align with his fantasy narrative. I mean, who knew that tens of millions of centenarians were collecting their Social Security checks? It’s a real page-turner, the kind that has you saying, ‘Oh, really?’ every few minutes. The ‘lowest border crossings ever’ bit? More like ‘lower than the ’60s, but who’s counting?’ It’s almost as if he’s playing a high-stakes game of poker, but with the deck stacked with nothing but jokers. And tariffs? Oh, they’re the magic potion that will make America not just great, but a financial wonderland! Talk about a ‘dream job’ – he’s the living embodiment of the phrase ‘shoot from the hip and hope for a bulls-eye’. A truly remarkable performance, for sure!